Whole Connection

The realization that we are alone in life can often be scary, depressing, and frankly, overwhelming if we consider the existential aspect of it all.  In this month of love, in which Valentine’s day can feel as though this realization is essentially thrown in your face, it’s common for feelings of loneliness to spring forward. There are many ways in which we can feel alone.  One way could be the lack of connection to others through relationship, in which we are simply not in real touch with other humans. Then, there is the loneliness in which  there’s an estrangement from oneself. This inability to connect to one’s innermost self in a deep way is often what can lead one to reach out for connection to another human -- whether that be through family, friends, a romantic partner, a therapist, or a cozy animal friend. I wish to speak today to the aspect of aloneness from ourselves.  How is it that we can feel so deeply alone, and not stop to consider if we are seeking...

Does this sound familiar? It’s 9 p.m. and the kids are finally in bed, you’ve had a long day and are so stinkin’ tired. The orange, plastic pumpkin full of Halloween candy is sitting on the kitchen counter and it feels as if the candy is literally calling to you, “Eat me! I know you’re going to!” You tell yourself that you don’t ‘need’ any more candy and that you should just go to bed since you’re so tired or eat an apple if you want a snack. But another part of you says, “It’s been a long day. You deserve the candy.” One thing leads to another and before you know it you are elbow deep in the candy bowl. Guilt starts to creep up on you as you look at the empty wrappers left behind and once again you feel like a failure because you ate more calories or sugar than you were ‘supposed to.’ We are entering the season where “trigger” foods, candy, and sweets are everywhere! If you’re like the majority of the U.S. population, you feel a lot of stress about what and how m...

  Does this sound familiar? It’s 9 p.m. and the kids are finally in bed, you’ve had a long day and are so stinkin’ tired. The orange, plastic pumpkin full of Halloween candy is sitting on the kitchen counter and it feels as if the candy is literally calling to you, “Eat me! I know you’re going to!” You tell yourself that you don’t ‘need’ any more candy and that you should just go to bed since you’re so tired or eat an apple if you want a snack. But another part of you says, “It’s been a long day. You deserve the candy.” One thing leads to another and before you know it you are elbow deep in the candy bowl. Guilt starts to creep up on you as you look at the empty wrappers left behind and once again you feel like a failure because you ate more calories or sugar than you were ‘supposed to.’ We are entering the season where “trigger” foods, candy, and sweets are everywhere! If you’re like the majority of the U.S. population, you feel a lot of stress about what and...

The question of "Who am I?" is one that is asked so many times in life.  It helps shape our directions and who we surround ourselves with, it also draws certain people to us.  There are so many intersecting pieces that not one answer is ever going to fully define who we are, but so many of them define how people see us and our society treats us.  So, it is good for us to know as much as we can about them, because they are defining us even when we don't want them to be.  I can state that, because I am White, the world treats me with certain privileges and usually most circumstances are presented in a positive way for me.  And this is just one of my identities that grants me this privilege and how the world defines me, consciously or unconsciously. As a psychotherapist it is important for me to understand my identities as they affect the clients I work with everyday.  They can create more power and oppression in the client therapist relationship. ...

  Let’s talk about holiday pressure It seems like people fall into one of two groups when it comes to the holidays. Either this is your favorite time of year or you really wish we could do away with the holidays all together from Thanksgiving on. Maybe you don’t feel that extreme, but no matter what side of the holiday aisle you find yourself on, there is no question that this time of year comes with some pressure. Pressure to see family Pressure to travel Pressure to purchase gifts Pressure to decorate Pressure to “feel” a certain way (jolly, merry, happy, excited, etc.) Pressure to cook the best turkey or tofurkey Pressure to have a clean house Pressure to take time off work This pressure can cause us to get caught in some thinking traps that aren’t always the most helpful. Here are some examples…   All or Nothing Thinking. This type of thinking shows up when we are putting our experiences into extremes. For example, “If my house isn’t perfectly cl...